Beyond Pick Up

Hey guys. I just got into this stuff 2 weeks ago through a friend(he taught me some stuff and told me to read The Game), and we noticed that on our first sarge that I tend to get really anxious when trying to open. And if I do land that opener, however good it is bigla 'kong nabablanko. Y'know, like Style's problem when he wasn't that pro yet? I was wondering if you peeps can help me remove this anxiety. It's really a major disadvantage for me considering that I'm on the okay side physically.

And if possible, can you give me some online game tips as well? I'll be waiting for those replies. Thanks!

/btw if this topic is in the wrong part of the forum please feel free to move it. thanks :)

Hey Cheezburger,

I have some tips that could possibly help with your approach anxiety. Take a look here: http://www.abcsofattraction.com/community/newbie-board-beginners-hell-f49/4-tips-for-getting-over-approach-anxiety-t6345.html

I'll also just paste my article here:

"A student from a past bootcamp I helped coached emailed me and asked for some tips on what I did to get over Approach Anxiety (AA). He said that his AA was holding him back towards success. It caused me to reflect on some of the methods I used in the past and what I do now.

Here are 4 ways to get over your AA:

1. Follow the 3 second rule. If you aren't familiar with that rule, the rule states that you have 3 seconds to approach a woman. If you wait longer than 3 seconds your brain will automatically start thinking of all the bad scenarios that could happen. I always followed the 3 second rule when I first started.

2. Think positve. After getting a few approaches under my belt, something I did was recall ONLY all the positive reactions that women had when I approached them and blanked out the rejections from my mind. I basically just stayed positive. It sounds easier said than done but I tricked myself into thinking that I was absolutely irresistable and that no woman would reject me unless there was something wrong with her. To some it might sound a little arrogant but when you're mind believes this, your body will follow and women will notice your confidence.

3. Don't think about the outcome. Nowadays I just don't think about the outcome. I read the book The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and it changed my way of thinking. Grab a copy and read it when you get the chance. I highly recommend it. The book isn't about dating or game. It's more in regards to inner game. I'll just briefly tell you what I got out of it in regards to getting over AA. When you see a beautiful woman, stay present. In other words, don't think about the future and dont think about the past. Thinking about the future brings you stress and anxiety and thinking about the past can bring you fear. I know that having a beautiful woman will not fulfill my life. So, if you stay present and are aware of the fact that a women will not complete you, AA just goes away. Basically you just approach and whatever happens, happens! If you get the chance, check out this book!

4. Get laid. Find a way to get laid. She doesn't have to be the most attractive chick but just getting that sexual experience under your belt will give off a sexual confidence which will then get rid of your AA. Sexual confidence is something that's very hard to fake. It's said that the source of approach anxiety stems from sexual anxiety. Get rid of your approach anxiety by getting rid of your sexual anxiety by getting laid! PHEW that was a mouth full!

But really... When it all boils down, what's the worst that could happen when approaching? For those who already have some experience with approaching... You've all had rejections and you've all had some successes to certain extent. In the off chance that she chews you out, who cares? Right? Even if you're a real newbie and have never approached, take my word for it! Remember, as a man YOU are the one who must approach and that takes BALLS. That's something that the other guys refuse to do because they're scared of damaging their ego. YOU know first hand that a rejection wont damage your ego. Remember, nothing will happen if you don't take control."

As far as going blank after your opener, you just have to keep practicing. Believe me, when I first started, I would ALWAYS draw a blank and give myself an excuse to eject from set. DO NOT EJECT! There is NO excuse for you to leave set unless she completely rejects you. As a man, you must hang in there and run your routine, your stack, or whatever it is that you use. If she rejects you, you will see that there is nothing wrong with being rejected. In fact, once you realize it's not a big deal, your AA will go away. Being rejected, in my opinion, is part of being a man AND an important part in the learning process! :)

Good luck!

Pretty much everything been covered.

One thing I would add is its important to keep going out. Its easy to become stale. Its a lot like sales, you need to be talking to prospects regularly to keep your game up and improve.

The easiest way to reduce AA is to get so used to the place your in (be it a mall, club, bar ect..) that the location is familiar. Also you start to figure out the ebb and flow of the space. By being comfortable in the space you have taken away one point that adds to your stress.

Next is much like the 3 second rule, just accept that your uncontious and primitive lower brain functions sometimes gives you relevant information as well as irrelevant or obsolescent info. When you see a hot chick you get a kind of mental push pull from your lower brain.

1. you notice the chick, thing she would make a good mate.
2. then your in fear because you don't know here or if she has a mate already.

the moment you feel impulse 1, pull the trigger and approach. suppression of point two is a upper brain pattern that comes from experience. We now live in a society thats not going to punish us for approaching hot women we don't know. Unlike in pre-history when it would have probably resulted in a very bad outcome.

So you need to discount the second impulse, its really not a factor that should cause you worry.

Of course its easy to say but difficult to do. Only by approaching everything with a pulse you might realistically want to take to Sogo without vomiting will you build that experience that re-enforce that new pattern in your mind that will go along way to override the approach fear you have. But its going to take time and many approaches of sets to do this.